I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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