And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
