Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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