i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
only if we run a train.
done.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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