I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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