I wanna bring you to show and tell
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
