we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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