i don't like sucking hair
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
