i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
