So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
