is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize