before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
