Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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