i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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