Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
