I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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