How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize