Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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