he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
