Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
