He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
