Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize