Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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