I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
