walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
