Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
