I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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