these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
