I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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