You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
