i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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