garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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