I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
