You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
