Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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