she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
