if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
