Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How external is "for external use only"?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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