I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
