How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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