I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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