If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
