Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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