Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
