My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
