i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
