I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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