Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
