my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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