just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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