just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
either way he was missing a nipple.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
