I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
