Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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