that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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