I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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