What did we do last night that was yellow?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
