There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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