This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
