I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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