I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
