Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
