it hurts more in the daytime
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
