Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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