I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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