Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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