it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize